I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize