pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
