Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
