i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
