I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
