What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I still have a little drunk in my system
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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