I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
