i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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