I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
