i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
