So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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