2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It's like God shit irony all over that family
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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