I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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