You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
