I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
