i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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