So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
