He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
