one might say we're banned from that church
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
