It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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