True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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