I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
