Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I feel great
I just peed on a car
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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