Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
