i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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