The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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