i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
