can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
