I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
