12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
