i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
