i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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