she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
