sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
