New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize