i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
