well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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