well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
