Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
