I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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