i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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