i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
