"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
