if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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