I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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