i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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