Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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