I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
