every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
