U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
