Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
