it was like his penis was on wheels.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
