ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
