Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize