I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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