"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
