You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
