Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
don't judge my taste in strippers
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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