Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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