I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
