We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
