I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
