I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
