drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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