At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
