I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
