i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
How naked do you want me to be?
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