Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
