why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
