Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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