found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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