im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
MIDGETS
????
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
