Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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