Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
