So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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