I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
