drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
