My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize