i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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