would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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