she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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