that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
