Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So squirting runs in the family.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
