Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Drake has all the answers
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
