Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
