So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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