Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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