I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
