we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
