there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
