She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
