I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
