smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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