My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She told me I should be a condom model.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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