So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
