So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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