she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
