9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sext me about skeletons
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
