Pants 0. Shit 1.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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